Ten Years too Early or Ten Years too Late

I spent much of my twenties looking forward to my thirties. As a matter of fact I lived my twenties with the mind set of Chrissy Snow from the sitcom Threes Company only with unlimited access to alcohol and a bit more attitude. I loved the days of being able to go on three dates in a day and waking up the next morning without the slightest bit of guilt. Of course men that I really connect with on a mental level are few and far between so that might be why.

I wrote a while ago about making the acquaintance of Mike. I had been in pretty close contact with him for a few weeks and we stole as much time as we could to see each other and then….reality hit. I admit I am a busy person and more often than not when I find someone or something I want to spend my time on it causes me a little bit of mental anguish trying to find where to fit it all in. Then if the person I am interested in pushes me even in the slightest bit to find more time to spend with them I chase them out of my life like a bulldog protecting its last bone. This didn’t happen with Mike. Because as little free time as I have, he has even less.

I respect what he is doing. He has full custody of his 4 year old daughter and has a pretty demanding career that takes him out of town for 3 or 4 days a week. It’s not uncommon for us to be on the phone at 10:00 and then for him to have to go so he can finish up work or a presentation for the next morning. I really feel for him, I know what it is like to work all day and then have to occupy a child that wants to devour whatever energy or sanity is left with one little exception…I get every other weekend off.

Most people would read this and think, what is the matter with these two? Have they never heard of babysitters??? You see I don’t really like to have a babysitter for my son and Mike never gets one for his daughter as the time he gets with her is so limited as it is.
Needless to say we have cooled off considerably. We have already established that we are a perfect fit for each other but that we have either met 10 years too early or 10 years too late. Sucks huh?

Sitting on Pins and Needles

I have been a little quiet lately. Nothing is wrong, not by a long shot. I have just been focusing on what is going to make my world a better place and am a little fearful to get too excited about it until I have everything lined up and solidified. I have my verbal offer, pending the completion of my gound check. I think what makes me nervous about the background check is that it was supposed to take 72 hours and it took a week. I’ll admit to having a colorful past but nothing that I put on my resume to be verified.

As a matter of fact the best sales training I ever got was from being a dancer. Everyone in sales needs to know that the absolute worse thing a potential customer can say is …maybe or I’ll think about it. At least with a NO, they respect you enough to not waste your time. I learned quickly to sense when people are wasting my time or taking advantage of the fact that on the surface I appear to be a people pleaser. (Anyone that has read my previous entries knows that this really is not the case, if I can help you I am happy to but if you become a demanding pain in the ass I will joyfully tell you to go pound sand).

One of the hang-ups during my background check was verifying that I went to Cosmetology School – 20 years ago. I don’t have my Certificate or Diploma or what ever they gave me when my 1500 hours of school was complete. Mostly because it was just a means to an end, it was necessary in order to take the state boards and attain a license. I could not walk into a salon with a Diploma and say “I want a job”, as you can’t work without the license. The background company tried to call the school and said they couldn’t get any response from them. Now me being me, I wanted to know what the company doing the background check had found so I called the school myself. It turns out that they don’t keep records of students from that far back. Hopefully the company I am praying for employment from will not hold this against me, God knows I wouldn’t have fibbed about that education…what would be the point?

So I am waiting -optimistically, patiently, silently…waiting.

I will bring a bottle of wine but I WILL NOT split the bill

I am off today for the first attempt at the search and rescue mission. The day started with a phone call from the recruiter wanting to let me know that they are moving along to step 2, the backround check. I always jump at the chance to have one of these done because I know there is not so much as a parking ticket on my record (although that may change tonight). I have my first official date with Mike and it’s in the city. Seems like a good plan for a first date because there is a start time and a finish time, I have to be home at 9:00. I have not had a real date in…seems like forever. Men these days seem to cheap out when it comes to dates.

The last 5 or 6 guys I have “seen” (I use “seen” because in order to consider it dating there actually has to be a “date”) have pulled the “ lets go to my house or yours and get a bottle of wine and order in food if we get hungry”. One idiot came to my house and actually wanted me to split the delivery bill with him. HELLLOOOOO dumbass, if I wanted to pay for my own dinner I would go out with my friends after all I know I like them. Kind of makes you wonder what these guys see in the mirror. Ok so you have a package…Duh, that’s how they knew to put “male” on your birth certificate, and just in case no one bothered to tell you- there are billions of those packages in the world, not a damn thing special about yours.

My point is when you get to your 30’s and are still dating, the men who are eligible to date seem to bypass the “getting to know each other” stage. I hate the feeling of being on a date with one of them so I am praying that tonight is a breath of fresh air, not even that he would be “the one” just a person that has some chivalrous values and self respect would be nice.

Mistaken Identity

I had to meet a client yesterday to give him papers for a refinance closing happening on Monday. He is actually one of my favorite clients. Nice guy, divorced, two kids, very smart and really high energy. He is very personable and easy to talk to so we have somewhat become friends (not good friends, the kind that talk about every 6 months, he only has my work contact info).

I met him at a Brewery/Restaurant about 10 minutes from my office for lunch. I am not drinking any alcohol these days so I had 3 Club Soda’s with lime while he had 2 glasses of Pinot Noir. We chatted for a while and after we said our Good bye’s I went to the washroom. As I was heading to the door I heard a man’s voice say “Lauren?”, I turned and looked at him totally confused.

“Yes”

“My god you are so much prettier in person”

At this point I am totally confused, I have no idea who this person is, how he knows my name, who he is, although he is totally my type. I am sure the look of confusion on my face was making this poor man uncomfortable. Finally I broke the silence that was probably no longer than 10 seconds (felt like an hour).

“Do I know you?”

“He said Oh My Gosh, you are not Lauren from Match.com are you?”

For a split second I wanted to be Lauren from Match.com but took the honest route.

“No hon, I am sorry to say I am not, but since you know my name, what is yours?”

He stared deep into my eyes with such a disappointed look and said

“Mike, my name is Mike. Are you married?”

“No, definitely not married”

Just then a girl walked in fitting my description pretty well wearing almost my exact outfit (hence why he thought I was her). I saw her enter and said.

“I think the Lauren you are meeting just arrived”.

He turned around and looked at her. Turning back to me he said

“I hate the internet dating thing, and where do I meet a girl like you anyway?”

I pulled my business card out of my wallet and handed it to him…”You just did”

Search and Rescue Mission

I so look forward to my annual check up (or at least getting it out of the way). Nothing has been new in years. As a matter of fact I am counting the days until a doctor will agree to permanently block any swimmers from entering my ocean (if you know what I mean). In the mean time I am sporting an IUD, the copper coil to be exact. Every year since I have had it in the conversation with the doctor has been the same.

“How is everything going?”

“Good”

“Oh, here is the string, everything looks good. See ya next year.”

I just took her word for it. I have never seen it or felt it so I just assumed that it was something that only people with MD at the end of their name could see. Much like only children can see their imaginary friends, but I believe they can see them because I had one as a child and “The Clown” was REAL.

Well today, there was no string. She asked me if I noticed anything that looked strange coming out. I told her “No, I’ve seen a few strange looking things go in but nothing strange came out”. Keep in mind I said this with the utmost honesty and completely straight thoughtful expression and it wasn’t until after I said it that I realized how it sounded. She started laughing hysterically and once she caught her breath, told me that I would need to get an Ultra Sound done so the string/IUD could be located.

The irony of me being the lucky one to get a playful IUD, I guess it got bored.

Beautiful Pain in the Ass

We are almost through with February and all I can think about is the day that I can wake up in the morning with my bedroom window open and to the sound of birds chirping. This morning when my alarm went off I hit snooze and just listened, I could hear the sound of the ice pellets hitting the window and the hum of the snow plow, followed by some poor soul scraping/shoveling their driveway.

I admit that I rolled over for just a sec trying to remember what it feels like to have the warm sun on my face and look forward to getting dressed in something colorful and put on some strappy heels.

God I hate snow!

Evidently some people think they can get what they want by merely bitching

Along the path of getting to know someone you get to know their boundaries, % of truth and drama they like to have in their life, and whether they are cleansing or toxic to your world. This holds true with friends, people you date, co-workers, neighbors, parents of my son’s friends, teachers, clients, anyone and everyone you come in contact with where character matters. (No I do not pick apart the people at the gas station; all I expect from them is my change and a simple “Have a nice day.”)

A few things people know about me, I am punctual, I do things without having to be asked, and I do things that I may have to apologize for tomorrow but… I DO THEM... I am extremely decisive and while I have been known to keep my mouth shut where wishy-washy people are concerned they always know where I stand.

A little incident at work today got me thinking about people’s character. Some people believe that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, some believe that no one does. As for me I give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove that they don’t deserve it and then I treat them the way they treat me.

Today two of my co-workers had a disagreement as to who’s client a policyholder that was ready to sign up should be. One had the household in her name for over a year and had never made contact. The other had been in contact with the future client quite frequently over the past 4 months (there was also a household in his name). When it came to Co-worker 1’s attention that Co-worker 2 had the same household in her name, he asked me what I would do.

I looked at both households and told him that I would just handle it my way and eliminate the possibility of her trying to snake the business from him (there is a way to manipulate the system and make her household go away). I explained that knowing her I fully expect her to be an unfair B**ch about the situation. He chose to play by the book anyway and bring it to her attention (this was at 9:30 this morning). She of course claimed that she has been in contact and that he was trying to steal her policies (that she has never prepared quotes for). They then brought it to my manager’s attention. He immediately (before looking at both households took Co-worker 2’s side - which he does quite frequently). Then looked a little closer and said, “I need to think about this.” As I have stated in past posts…he is an Ass clown incapable of making a decision. It is now almost 3:00 in the afternoon and there still isn’t a resolution to the problem, but it has eaten up the majority of the day being talked about not to mention that the client is waiting for the applications.

Co-worker 1 is totally frustrated with how this is being handled and I don’t blame him. I told him…”I told you this morning that I could have fixed the problem before it started but noooooo, you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know much but I know people.”

hello NOT fabulous

Yesterday I had my follow up appointment to get the results of the blood work taken 10 days ago. I showed up for my 1:00 appointment at 12:30 (Because if I am 15 minutes early, I am running late). The receptionist looked really confused and told me they did not have me on the schedule. I thought “Oh jeez, what did I do?” she asked me if I had the appointment card, I told her yes and sure as I was standing there…I was wrong. I had an appointment on January 18th and apparently thought it would be fun to write it down for February 18th.

I am doing fine on the Chantix (it is not effecting my liver at all – I would have thought the test would have come back different by the amount of red wine I have consumed in the last 3 months alone) but she is concerned about my cholesterol, its quite high. Then she went into talking about my BWI (Body Weight Index), she said something about me being a 25 and they like to see people more in the 18 – 22 range. She looked at me up and down and kinda scratched her head. I asked her why she was looking at me like she was. She told me to just give her a sec and she re-checked my chart and then looked at me and said I think if you lose about 5 or 10 lbs it will make a big difference in your cholesterol. I giggled and said I was thinking more like 30 lbs.

You see, I am not extremely tall (5’8”) but I always wear high heels bringing me to 6’ so people often think I am thinner than I am. She took out her calculator and started figuring what I should weigh for my height and low and behold….I was right, I need to lose 30 lbs and she has given me 3 months to do it. I am actually OK with this. I have been trying to find a way to make working out a priority in my life and now I guess the Doc made it a priority for me.

All I kept thinking was that I wanted to introduce myself to everyone in the parking lot as “Hello I am Not Fabulous, I need to lose 30 lbs and my LDL is 152…what’s your story?”

Happy Valentines Day!

I am sitting at my desk not really wanting to do anything that resembles work. I have made my phone calls, got the necessary quotes out, visited TMZ.com to catch up on current events, visited and read my favorite blogs, sent and received about 60 texts and am sucking on sweet hearts candies one at a time. I like to suck on them to the point that they get a little soft and then break off little pieces around the edges of the heart with my front teeth.

I just looked at my tongue and it is the prettiest shade of pinkish/purple, wish I had shoes that color.

As you can tell I am in a silly mood. Just felt like sharing.

Let the sun shine in!

I have 3 inches of solid ice on half my driveway. Most of the Midwest got hit with a lot of snow in the last 2 weeks and I decided since it was only me that needed to get in and out of the driveway (and I have 4 wheel drive), that it really wasn’t necessary to shovel the whole thing. Being female I guess I was swayed by the side of the brain that convinces us to put our hair up in a rubber band (rather than deal with the blow dryer and curling iron) , wear pants rather than a skirt (to avoid shaving), or go through a drive thru to pick up dinner (because you are hungry right now and the thought of waiting 4 minutes for the microwave to do its job is not something you are willing to do).

The sun decided to shine today and my brain has started to work again. I am happy to help people out, little annoying tasks that just 24 hours ago took every ounce of patience I had in me to complete just seem to take care of themselves. I am expecting an offer letter early next week for a position I am really interested in and was in contact today with someone in the industry I was in prior to Insurance that is hiring for a sales position that would actually be a perfect fit for me. It seems that things are looking up (knock on wood).

I was the recipient of a random act of kindness- which is another thing that can totally change any ones outlook on things. It was a simple e-mail from a customer I just signed.
(This e-mail was actually sent to my manager and he forwarded it along to me.)

“Recently I switched from State Farm to your company. I wanted to express my sincere thoughts about -“Lauren”, one of your Sales Associates, during my crossover. She showed great professionalism in getting me all the relevant information, follow up, communication and showed relentless patience. Her positive and a very friendly attitude while working out various permutations/combinations ( would have driven me nuts if I were sitting in her chair ) was factored in my decision. She is truly an asset you, keep hiring such good people and see your business grow. Thanks for your time.”

WOW, I totally needed someone to just “be nice”. Funny thing when I read this e-mail, I felt like for a few minutes all the stress I have been under was worth it. About 5 minutes after receiving this e-mail, flowers were delivered to my office. I don’t have (or want) a boyfriend currently (mostly because taking on another thing to be responsible for would pretty much be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back), but a really nice gesture all the same.

I guess its safe to pluck the pins and needles out of my butt and sit in comfort for a while…don’t ya think?