About 4 years ago I was out with a group of girlfriends at a bar that was quite simply a jeans and t-shirt place. The kind of place where everyone just drinks beer, does shots, plays darts and wanders around from table to table and feeling totally comfortable doing so. About two hours into the evening we noticed a group of four thirty-something men sitting at the table next to us. By this time our table was getting a little out of control (women are so much fowler than men when they get together). As you can imagine being six of the only 10 girls in the bar we were getting a lot of attention. In my wildness I found a new use for my boobs.
Right after the invention of my personal beer holder one of the guys from the table next to us came over and sat next to me. “Got any other tricks?”, “ I am sure I do” I told him. He was cute at first, brownish hair, nice blue eyes about 5’10” (I prefer 6’ and taller but if everything else falls into place I am not stuck on the height thing- he just absolutely cannot be shorter than me). He showed me his badge, drivers license, and many other forms of Identification at the request of Tami’s cousin Kelley. He seemed to fit right in and jump through every hoop we instructed him to. As the night progressed he started asking where we were all going when we leave. I told him we were all staying at Tami’s house. He wanted to know if he could come too. I was a little taken back by his asking. He had been hanging with me and my friends for quite a while but at no point in time did I send any signals that I was “interested” in him.
I ran it past the girls and they were all fine with him coming back to Tami’s with us. So I figured, ok. Upon arriving at Tami’s everyone called their sleeping space. I called the living room as there are two couches. I figured if he planned on staying he could sleep on what ever couch I was not. Everyone congregated for a while with a few more drinks and one by one people started dispersing to their chosen sleeping space. I asked him if he was ok to drive. He said he didn’t think it would be a good idea. I said no problem and gave him a pillow and a blanket for his couch.
Upon my drifting off to sleep, I was awaken to his face in mine. I asked him what he was doing. He said he wanted to snuggle next to me. (UGH! When I am tired its best to just leave me alone.) I told him I was tired and he said I just want to snuggle you, that’s all. “Oh fine, if letting you next to me means that I get to sleep faster, then go right ahead.” That kept him happy for about 5 minutes. Then he wanted to give me a back massage. I thought to myself “What did this guy get his moves from the Homer Simpson book of How to woo a woman or what?” I told him “I’m fine thanks, now go to sleep”. Not a chance that was going to work. His hands were all over me until I finally got up and moved to the other couch. I half fell asleep again (trying to stay alert enough to shoot him down again if he was stupid enough to not take no for an answer.)
Sure enough, the next thing I knew I was awaken to the one eyed worm staring me in the face. He said “you really don’t want to mess around a little?”. I can’t even tell you the anger and fury this released inside of me. I looked up at him and said. “Now I know why you became a cop”. He said, “Why is that?”
“Because you got robbed!”
Right after the invention of my personal beer holder one of the guys from the table next to us came over and sat next to me. “Got any other tricks?”, “ I am sure I do” I told him. He was cute at first, brownish hair, nice blue eyes about 5’10” (I prefer 6’ and taller but if everything else falls into place I am not stuck on the height thing- he just absolutely cannot be shorter than me). He showed me his badge, drivers license, and many other forms of Identification at the request of Tami’s cousin Kelley. He seemed to fit right in and jump through every hoop we instructed him to. As the night progressed he started asking where we were all going when we leave. I told him we were all staying at Tami’s house. He wanted to know if he could come too. I was a little taken back by his asking. He had been hanging with me and my friends for quite a while but at no point in time did I send any signals that I was “interested” in him.
I ran it past the girls and they were all fine with him coming back to Tami’s with us. So I figured, ok. Upon arriving at Tami’s everyone called their sleeping space. I called the living room as there are two couches. I figured if he planned on staying he could sleep on what ever couch I was not. Everyone congregated for a while with a few more drinks and one by one people started dispersing to their chosen sleeping space. I asked him if he was ok to drive. He said he didn’t think it would be a good idea. I said no problem and gave him a pillow and a blanket for his couch.
Upon my drifting off to sleep, I was awaken to his face in mine. I asked him what he was doing. He said he wanted to snuggle next to me. (UGH! When I am tired its best to just leave me alone.) I told him I was tired and he said I just want to snuggle you, that’s all. “Oh fine, if letting you next to me means that I get to sleep faster, then go right ahead.” That kept him happy for about 5 minutes. Then he wanted to give me a back massage. I thought to myself “What did this guy get his moves from the Homer Simpson book of How to woo a woman or what?” I told him “I’m fine thanks, now go to sleep”. Not a chance that was going to work. His hands were all over me until I finally got up and moved to the other couch. I half fell asleep again (trying to stay alert enough to shoot him down again if he was stupid enough to not take no for an answer.)
Sure enough, the next thing I knew I was awaken to the one eyed worm staring me in the face. He said “you really don’t want to mess around a little?”. I can’t even tell you the anger and fury this released inside of me. I looked up at him and said. “Now I know why you became a cop”. He said, “Why is that?”
“Because you got robbed!”
4 comments:
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG, that last line is CLASSIC!!! And EW! I can't believe you didn't take off that pencil eraser he was hiding in his pants and throw it in the garbage. ;)
The only reason I was not scared is becuase Tami's dogs were there and I know that if I gave the signal they would have torn him limb from limb. Sad part is that is the 3rd time in my life an asshat has stuck his penis in my face as enticement. I really need to stop attracting teenage boys in mens clothes! EW! I know they make them in adult sizes.
HAHAHA, in adult sizes!! Yes, they do... do you give me permission to look for a good one for you?
Absolutely!
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